Notflix, VAULT Festival

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by Bryony Rae Taylor

Notflix is performed by an all-women musical improv troupe. They ask audiences to suggest a film which has not yet been made into a musical, so that they can make it into a musical – and then they make it into a musical.

The film on the night I am there is The Holiday, the one where Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz house swap and LOVE HAPPENS. You know the one.

The Notflix team are badass. They’re funny. They have a lot of stamina. They can sing, they can do spontaneous group dances which almost look properly choreographed. They are very good and you absolutely should see them.

Here’s a series of love letters to some of the players in the style of rom-com speeches:

 

Notting Hill

The critic thing isnt really real, you know. Don't forget - I'm also 
just a girl. Standing in front of Ailis Duff. Laughing until I snort 
at her embodiment of one of Jude Law’s sextuplets who doesn’t want a 
new mummy and has stolen her underwear.

 

10 Things I Hate About You

To Holly Mallett

I hate the way you’re funnier than me

And your calm and stoic air

I hate the way you own the stage

You’re so good it’s unfair

I do hate your American accent

Which you forget to do sometimes

But mostly I hate the way

I don’t hate you

Not even close

Not even a little bit

Because the walk you keep doing as part of playing the Jack Black character is like Phil Mitchell and a flamingo had a child together and I could watch that until the end of time.

 

Marriage Story

What I love about Clare Buckingham

Is how she welcomes the audience with a real effervescence.

Sometimes it’s nice to scare an audience into submission with a 
friendliness built on a sinister amount of smiling. 

Sometimes the improv group get stuck a little stuck in their ways

But Clare is is the glue to this troupe, taking charge when things 
need wrestling into shape.

She takes on the Jude Law part as though he was the landlord of a pub so perfectly, with a forty-cigarettes a day tint to her cockney accent.

The amount she rubs her thighs is a little unnerving

But I love the way she’s the first to hurtle headfirst into an 
improvised song

Which is a lesson in British values

Which is mainly about beer

But let’s be honest…most of the audience are clutching beer

So it’s an accurate stereotype.

 

When the Critic Met Aisling Groves-Mckeown*Like

When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, because whilst they are one of the psychopathic sextuplets they’ve found a used condom and thought it was a balloon and mimed blowing it up for about two minutes, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

*The critic has never met Aisling Groves-Mckeown

Notflix runs through 8 March.

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